


Courting Troubles

by TwistedToxic



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Awkwardness, But it's offscreen, Courting Rituals, Everyone is kinda awkward, Jason is a Dork, Jason is very dumb and very gay for Roy, M/M, MerMay, Relationship Advice, Stephanie Brown is Adopted, Tim Is Adorable, Tim is an actual disaster, and it's only vaguely mentioned here, but I love them anyways, mer, well Mer royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedToxic/pseuds/TwistedToxic
Summary: "If you want to court him, why don't you just do it?" Jason flushed blue.That was the problem. He'd never tried courting someone before, so determined to defy the stereotype behind his kind. He couldn't admit that to Tim. That would be embarrassing!No. If he could make a shitty-tier dick joke, he could do this. "I've never actually... I don't know how, Tim." He was expecting Tim to laugh at him. He'd always been so sure, so confident, giving out relationship advice, yet he'd never been close to mating in his life. Tim nodded."I figured as much, so buckle the fuck down, Jason, you're going to learn how to romance!"Oh no...
Relationships: Jason Todd/Roy Harper, Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 6
Kudos: 96





	Courting Troubles

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting to think I'm a clone of Twisted, because this is the second fic in a row without a downer ending. The question is, what have I done with the real Twisted? They wouldn't stand for the desecration of their angst lover reputation!
> 
> Okay, jokes aside, I'm actually just as surprised as you are, and I do apologize that this is lacking in length. I wanted to contribute to MerMay, but had zero ideas and so I threw this together. The only ideas I have currently are all very painful, so you'll be getting downer endings again and lots of pain soon enough. :) That or a very... Interesting story.
> 
> I was originally going to write a kind of 5 + 1 (more like an 8 + 1) where Jason fends off unwanted suitors then they return the favor but I thought it would be dumb. If I'm wrong, please let me know and I'll put it in the series!
> 
> Also, I am aware that I am inaccurate about fish. Female anglers are the ones with lures but I imagined Tim's lure getting glowy when excited and it was too adorable to pass up. I also threw out one of the octopi's tentacles being the penis to make a dick joke, so I'm now officially five.
> 
> This says it published June 1st, but It's still May where I live, I promise it still counts, haha!

_Fuck_. He really hoped Bruce wouldn't mind. The reclusive mer scientist came out of his cave and it felt like Cupid hit Jason in the face and yelled _"Hey dumbass! You're in love with him!"_ He wasn't supposed to go to that side of the reef. Well, Tim wasn't supposed to mate with a sea god, yet he did anyways. It was different, though. Octomer were 'mindless sluts', and everyone knew Tim was an awkward sweetheart instead of the violent and terrifying angler most would assume. Both drew the short end of the stick.

That's it! He'd go to Tim!

"You went to the other side of the reef?" Tim asked. "What was it like? Does Bruce know?" Tim asked. Jason snorted when he saw the younger mer's lure glow with excitement. Fuck whoever said Tim was scary, or scarier than a regular mer at least.

"Timbers. One question at a time." He reprimanded. Tim nodded, an embarrassed flush of pink coming to his cheeks. "Bruce doesn't know, though, and I would prefer if it stayed between us. Dick and Steph can't keep secrets to save a life." Tim nodded, eyes wide.

"So, what's it like over there?"

"It's not what Bruce makes it out to be. He made it sound like it's some desolate wasteland where humans hunt us, but the mer there are pretty friendly for our kind. I don't think they know I'm... You know, the son of the king. It's nice to not be treated differently, whether it's because I'm some sex addled slut, or because I'm royalty. A lot of octomer live there." Tim's lure became blinding, and Jason hissed a little. "Tim, I love you but that lure is fucking _bright_." Tim nodded and turned pink again. A tall figure appeared behind Tim. Jason grinned.

"Conner, I know it's you." The sea god pouted, but wrapped his hands around his smaller mate. It only worked the first time, and then Tim deduced his vibrations. He grinned at Jason. "Conner, I can feel you grinning. What are you thinking, you sea himbo?"

"By the way your brother's hearts beat when he talks about the other side of the reef, I'd say he has a crush." Tim looked at Jason and his face curled into his trademark smirk.

"You didn't start with that, Jason?"

"You haven't told Bruce about your relationship with your ' _sea himbo_ ', as you put it?" _Touché_.

"So, what are they like?" Jason sighed, mentally making a note to give another 'talk' to Conner about what would happen should he break Tim's heart, just to annoy Tim.

"You know the reclusive scientist? Doctor Roy?" Tim gaped.

"Isn't he the one who was addicted to-?"

"Yeah, blowfish venom. I actually talked to him. He apparently became a recluse because he didn't want people coming after his daughter because of his past thing. Didn't want their judgement about how he didn't mate with her mother. You know how it is. All of us octomer are slaves to biology and we try to mate anything that moves." Tim nodded, shifting his head between his mate's chest. "He's... _Amazing_ , and he makes my ninth tentacle rise whenever I think about him." He grinned.

_Wait... Didn't they only have eight-?_

Conner burst into raucous laughter. The realization hit Tim like a brick to the face and he let out a disgusted whine, smacking Jason in the shoulder with a disgruntled " _Ew!_ " Jason laughed. At least sea himbo appreciated his humor.

"Okay, dick joke aside, he's great. He's so caring. Sure, he threatened me at first when he saw me, but he'd do anything for his kid, and that's... That's just really fucking admirable, you know? Most unmated mer abandon their children the first chance they get. Or they're complete shitheads." He knew it was expected and normal for mer, but the odd one out could be a good thing.

"If you want to court him, why don't you just do it?" Jason flushed blue.

That was the problem. He'd never _tried_ courting someone before, so determined to defy the stereotype behind his kind. He couldn't admit that to Tim. That would be embarrassing!

No. If he could make a shitty-tier dick joke, he could do this. "I've never actually... I don't know _how_ , Tim." He was expecting Tim to laugh at him. He'd always been so sure, so confident, giving out relationship advice, yet he'd never been close to mating in his life. Tim nodded.

"I figured as much, so buckle the fuck down, Jason, you're going to learn how to romance!"

_Oh no..._

* * *

"I hope you realize that was terrible." Jason said with a soft sigh. Tim gawked.

"I'm trying to help!"

"I know. I appreciate it but you're a disaster - and that's not an insult for once." Tim pouted. "And your mate is too forward." Conner looked at the brothers, very clearly offended. Tim shrugged with a very obviously fake wince.

"It is true, Conner." Jason needed a middle ground. He wanted to approach the hot scientist mer, but he needed enough bravado to not come off as a complete dumbass, but enough common sense not to say something stupid like _'hey, I want to fuck you.'_ How the hell did Conner not get murdered for that was beyond him. If someone went up to him like that, that's what he and everyone else in the family would do.

He headed back to the castle to think. He sure as hell couldn't ask Bruce. Or Duke. Fuck, Tim was the only mated one, and he'd feel weird asking the shark brat about such a thing when he was just beginning to understand himself. He needed to think, but he couldn't with the irritatingly hot redhead in his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair with a depreciated sigh. Then again, he _just_ met him. He can't just go to a mer he met that day and ask him out! Even Jason knew that! He could always ask...

Wait, no, no he couldn't. Dick knew Roy before he ran off. He fell to the bed of vegetation with a soft thump in the sand. Why the fuck were feelings so fucking _hard_? There was really only one person left to go to, and Bruce would not be happy.

* * *

He met up with Roy again a few weeks later. He'd seen him before, but seen was the key word, but Roy didn't need to know that, right? Mer stalked potential mates like they did prey. Well, if things went badly, they were one and the same thing. He was hardly seen during the day and when he went out, it was oddly when he was alone. Jason fumbled for a few minutes in his hiding spot.

"Are you gonna come out or are you gonna watch me again?" _How the hell did-?_ "Yes, I noticed you the first time you watched me, and I am a reclusive scientist. If you seriously thought I didn't have my lab under surveillance 24/7-" Jason laughed, coming out and trying to look as minimally threatening as possible while holding the flora in one hand. Roy still seemed pretty defensive. "What are you doing here, and please tell me Dick did not send you." Jason shook his head.

"Well, you're the smart one. What do you _think_ I came here for?" Jason teased, and his hearts fluttered when he saw the corners of the redhead's mouth curl into a soft smile. Holy shit.

"Well, I'm going to assume you either want to kill me, or court me." Roy replied. "If it's to kill me, I don't really know how those play into it." He said with a soft laugh, gesturing to the flora.

Shit, come on Jason! Don't be like Conner, don't harness the dumb side of a himbo, don't harness that side of a himbo-

He shoved his arms forward. "They're for you. And-" He leaned forward and dragged a nail across Roy's chest, who stopped him before he could request the courtship. Fuck, he just screwed _everything_ up and now Roy, who he barely knows, is going to kill him.

"I'm flattered, Jason. I am, but the thing is... With Lian, I can't just court _anybody_ , you know? I need someone she'll like, and we can raise her together." Jason's heart sank, but Roy said no, and he'd respect that, even if he didn't like the outcome.

"I understand. I shouldn't have just come in like this and..." He made a vague hand gesture, and Roy laughed. His hearts fluttered again. "Will you at least feel comfortable taking the flowers?" Roy thought about it for a second, before he took them in his hand.

"Thanks." Jason nodded, turning around. He didn't see the way Roy's face turned to a grin as he marveled the flora. "So, I guess you don't want to get to know me?" Jason turned back around, stuttering and trying to find _anything_ at all to say. Thankfully, Roy started for him. "This is an unusual gift. How did you think of it?"

A fair distance away, a certain angler mer and his sea god boyfriend were screaming about what they'd just witnessed.

**Author's Note:**

> I do plan on making this a series, but not until after June will I do anything with it unless I get a plot bunny I literally cannot ignore. The same goes for any chaptered fics (excluding the first one as the rewrite and chapter 2 will be published within a day of the other), as I have too many single fics I need to write. My notes are legitimately slowing down.
> 
> I was also going to have the 'Bruce won't like this' companion be Slade because it would have been return of the murder uncle, or Mer-der uncle, if you will, but then I decided that it should be up to the readers.
> 
> The mer types by age are (Alfred, Harper, and Cullen will be added later)
> 
> Bruce: Shark (unspecified species)  
> Roy (He isn't a member of the Batfam, but this AU isn't fleshed out yet so he's here): Octopus (unspecified)  
> Dick: Mandarinfsh  
> Jason: Octopus (Undecided species)  
> Tim: Anglerfish  
> Cass: Lionfish  
> Steph: Dolphin (undecided species)  
> Duke: Angelfish  
> Damian: One sharky boi
> 
> I should clarify that Tim knows human culture, and humans give each other vegetation, and that's why Roy is confused about the flowers. He might be a scientist but he also doesn't know a lot about human culture. Also, even if Roy says no after they get to know each other, Jason would still respect that.
> 
> I call Conner a sea himbo like eight times, but I love him and that's how I show it.


End file.
